Warning: This post was powered by too much sarcasm, and work-related angst.

I’m having a gas - my boss isn’t in town, and I’ve just finished 90% of the work due next week Friday which means I have all the free time in the world! And now what does a girl do with her free time? A pedicure? Done. Extended lunch hours, or unusually long coffee breaks? Done done. There is one other thing… tadahhh!! Facebook!

I, along with hoards of individuals who have more time in the world than they can handle, can only turn to facebook to waste precious time… but not only my time but other people’s time as well (whether they choose to ignore my request or not, which will only lead me to bug them through IM or in person to join…)

Just login to your Facebook account and see if you can follow these 5 easy steps to annoy your officemate with just Facebook!

Upload pictures of yourself and your officemates in very embarrassing poses and tag them so it shows on their profile. Let’s just say when they find out our office receptionist had her hands in the club’s dirty toilet bowl, the management will think twice about asking her to get some coffee!

Create your own quiz!
You have time in your hand, why don’t you send a quiz about yourself to all your “close” friends. When asking questions, don’t go the usual route -”who’s my bestfriend”, why don’t you try, “When did my best friend Sunny get her first period?!” I’m sure Sunny won’t be too happy with that revelation.

Super Poke
My Favorite! “1,110,507,831 total SuperPokes sent !!” Great that includes the 100 pokes I sent the past hour to my facebook pals! “Use SuperPoke to… um… do stuff… to your friends.” You can poke, throw cows at them, drink beer with them - it’s practically unlimited! “If you get lucky, they might just do it back to you!”

Poke them as much as you can in an hour - in fact, don’t just poke them. If you know of a budding relationship within the office, insinuate an affair between you and the opposite gender - this doesn’t work though if there is “trust” in the relationship. But who cares!? A crack in the ice is still a crack!

Send invites by the hundreds!
Join all zombie/vampire/slayer/werewolves applications, play poker, give them gifts from poison apples to branded underwear, feed their pets, send them their horoscope for the day, flirt with other people; no matter what application you choose, by golly just get those invites out!! Make them wish you were part of the undead! (the next one who sends me a Gucci Bag will be defriended!)

Grill them about their profiles
During coffee break, ask a few questions about their profiles…

“So (insert title of pretentious book they’ve apparently read according to their profile, that you’ve most probably read) is your favorite book? Coolness, so what was your reaction to the most riveting chapter of the book? Uh.. really? Wasn’t it chapter 25 that he got killed?”

“You must so join me in the concert of (insert name of obscure band that’s supposed to show how “deep” they are), it’s only about 2 hours away from my place. It’ll be super fuuun!!”

I was going to say something about the Anti-Stalker application, but well, they’ve removed it. Party Poopers.

There you have it, just a few ways to ensure complete hostility from your officemates. Of course if all else backfires, you have be prepared to abandon ship and resign from the company or you might have to take that sabbatical leave the HR department has been harping about during the orientation.

Just a note though: the real problem is not too much free time, it’s really too much applications on facebook bordering on spam. What other ways can you think of to annoy people through facebook?

Sources:

Photos Xkcd, Facebook Requests

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